Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
