My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
