yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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