I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
