you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize