Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
