he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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