It's like a parade of train wrecks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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