Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
