I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
