Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
