Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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