I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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