I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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