I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
