maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
