How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize