a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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