I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
