I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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