I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
