Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
