Buhtt sex?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
