how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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