Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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