names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's never too late to be topless.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
