You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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