i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
