chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
