i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize