If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
