having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
