Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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