He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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