we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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