you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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