He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
