I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
