we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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