we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize