I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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