That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
