sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
