just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
