i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
