then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
