I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
