have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
