turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
