All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
