Will you blow on my dice?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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