Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
