I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
