I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You have to summon your inner elephant
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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