Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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