I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
