how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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