It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In other news, I just burned my penis
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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