She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
