There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
