the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
