The maid of honor just puked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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