I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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