Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
