so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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