Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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